i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
