Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
