so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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