he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
