She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
