Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
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