If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
