I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
