I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
