Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
