You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
