you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
