I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
