I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
