and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
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I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
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You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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