some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
