My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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