someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
