I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
