We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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