Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
