chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
