we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
