im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
