My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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