drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
