The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
