i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
