Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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