we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
being pregnant is like rehab
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
