Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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