Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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