let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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