lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
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Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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