sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize