I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
