...so i touched it.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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