my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
