weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize