Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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