Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
