I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
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im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
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That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize