Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
