Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
