ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Terrible idea I love it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
