Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
