make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
