Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
