now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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