At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
