So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
