you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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