What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
