Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
