Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
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i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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