I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
