So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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