my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
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Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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