Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
