I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
