just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
