would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
