didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
