So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
