his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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