I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
