I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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