2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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