I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
