i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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