Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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