can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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