oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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