Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
