my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
