My pussy is not your playground.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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