you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
